I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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