hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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