That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
