The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
