Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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