Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
