Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
