Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
