I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
