I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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