I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
