i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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