would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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