We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
