grandma shit on top of the toilet
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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