i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
