He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
