So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
