Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
