Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
