I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
