If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
