dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
