this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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