I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
