Cold hands, warm shart.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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