WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
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