Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize