be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize