we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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