You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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