I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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