i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
