i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
