Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
