TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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