I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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