the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You are a genius and a whore.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
