Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
