I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
