you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
