You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
