Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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