A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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