Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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