So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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