We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
