Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
and you fell through a lawn chair
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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