I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
vagina is talking i cant
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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