you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I believe in your delicious
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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