I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
