As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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