yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
