You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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