I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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