Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize