I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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