i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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