What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
