im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
