My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
