Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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