I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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