If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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