he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
